M.B.A Student (vs) B.E Student

A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep. Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says: “Look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” The MBA replies, “I see millions of stars.” The BE asks, “What does that tell you?”  The MBA ponders for a minute..”Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and  significant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?”

The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.  ”Practically. ..Someone has stolen our tent”.

Chicken story

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock : “Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can’t I help you with some?
Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.
Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! …… before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, “Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I’ve bought this week !”

Lie detector Robot

One day Kuttappan’s dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Kuttappan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, “Son why are you late from school?”.

Kuttappan answered, “Dad we had extra classes today”.

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Kuttappan on his face.

His dad told him “Mone (son), This robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, Why are you late?”

“Dad I went for a movie”, ” Which movie?” “The Ten Commandments”,

Splatt

Kuttappan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

“No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen.”

Dad :”Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things.”

Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Kuttappans mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying,

“After all he is your son…….”,

to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Kuttappan’s mother’s face.

Men are always better friends..

Men always have better friends….

They will stand by you, no matter what….!!! 

 

Here’s an example:-

Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night.

 

So she tells her husband the very next morning,

 

that she stayed at her (girl) friend’s apartment overnight.

 

So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and

 

none of them confirmed that she was with them.

 

Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night.

 

So he tells his wife the very next morning,

 

that he stayed at his friend’s apartment over night.

 

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that

 

he stayed at their apartments that night and

 

another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

Jokes!!

There was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.

Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a “Thank You” Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another “Thank you” Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ……

A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut… With Printouts of the Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut!

India shinning !!

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
 
The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000″?

The Indian replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return”.

Some things never change

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

8. ) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!

9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

17) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

1 Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.’s TAX !!!

19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

20) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!

Musharraf gets a slap in tunnel

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: “These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him”

Madhuri is thinking: “Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped.”

Musharraf is thinking: “Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me.”

Vajpayee is thinking: “If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again.”

Birthday blues

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday” and probably have a present for me. She didn’t even say “Good Morning”, let alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that’s wives for you. The children will remember. “The children came down to breakfast and didn’t say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, “Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday.” I felt a little better. Someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.” I said, “By George, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.

We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don’t need to go back to the office, do we?” I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.”

After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. Sure,” I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday…….and there I sat on the couch…….naked.